|Sisters kissing before the wedding in 2010|
I don't know what it is, but I have these times when I get low on energy, I start "feeling feelings" that I don't want to feel anymore. The kind of feelings, I spent too much time on - even years. Just don't want to feel them again.
The last couple of days, I have been missing my younger sister, Donna. She died Sept. 2015 suddenly at age 56. She had been feeling tired and went to take a nap and never woke up. She was the last of my little birth family. I am now the only one left. We later found out that she died of Cirrhosis of the Liver. They found a bottle of vodka in her nightstand that apparently even her husband didn't know she had.
I guess I have questions, that won't ever be answered. And that drives me crazy. How come, she didn't know she had cirrhosis of the liver? How can someone NOT KNOW THIS? The last couple of times that I saw her, she wasn't looking good. We all go through those times, when our health if not the best - so I just thought she was tired and it was affecting her appearance. My brother-in-law is of no help whatsoever in answering questions. He himself is a drunk. Plus, he is lonely without her and I know it hasn't been easy for him. They had only been married about 5 years when she died so they were still very much in love. When her little dog died after she did, he couldn't bear to get rid of the dog, so he placed the little dog in the garage freezer. My niece says the dog is still there. Now that is some "complicated grief." but as a man, (sorry men) he refuses to get any help.
|A year before she died.|
I just miss her. We weren't close but we were hopeful that our relationship would get closer as we got older. We shared a lot of baggage between us that we were still working through. Who would have thought I would outlive her? I was 5 years old when she was born. I still remember. I wasn't supposed to outlive her.
|My last picture of her.|
The 7th of August was my first-born son's 42nd birthday. It didn't get me down, like years past - I woke up knowing the day and just smiled. I miss him terribly but he's been gone for so long now, that I have learned how to live without him. He was 25 when he passed. Life goes on. Sometimes when we are grieving, that saying, "Life goes on" makes us mad. So don't ever say that to someone who is grieving. You have to allow them to figure it out on their own. For some, it takes YEARS (like me)
|Michael age 3|
So yeah, I am missing my sister..more than I thought I ever would because we weren't always friends. Boy did we have some wars with each other, where we didn't talk for many months. Oh how I wish, she was still here. Maybe we would be best friends - maybe not. I just miss having her in my life.