Monday, January 08, 2018

11 years ago



My dad passed away from a fatal heart attack at age 74. He had 7 bypass heart surgery back in 1990 so by 2007 he was overdue and having some heart issues. He had been to the cardiologist the Friday before he passed and it didn't look promising. They agreed to the Do Not Resuscitate Order on his medical record.

When my mom told me this, I had a fit. Why would you do this? I was very upset about this. He was my dad and I loved him and would have never agreed to that order. I believe in HOPE.

The day he passed, he was having major discomfort. They did nothing! My mom sat there and watched my dad. At one point, she did say she wanted to call 911 but he wouldn't let her. Finally, he gave in, due to the pain and told her to call 911- he staggered to the hallway and fell.

When the EMT's came my mother was hysterical.

"Oh come on- you sat there and watched him DIE and did nothing." I thought to myself.

If it had been me, I would have called at the first sign. I adored that man.

The year after my dad's passing was a hard year for my Mom. She grieved; was depressed and no doubt felt guilty as she replayed that day in her mind. Little did I know, it was the beginning of the end for her. She committed suicide just hours after my sisters birthday- March 6, 2008.

It's hard to this day for me. It brings up, my difficult relationship with my mother (after I graduated high school) It took me a day to get up there - I had to get off work, and my husband and I had to get our pets taken care of and by the time I got up there, they had already viewed my dad. I didn't get to see him. I never got to tell him, Goodbye. I thought that was horribly selfish of my mom and my sister - they just couldn't wait.

Although now, its probably a blessing I didn't view his dead body. My niece to this day, says she wishes she hadn't and my sister had said, she still saw him, like that in her mind.

I live in the same house, where both my mom and dad passed away in. We've redecorated and painted etc but I still see glimpses of my dad around my yard. The waterfall and pond he built; his flagpole the front yard and "his" garage- his tools, his fishing pools.

He died way too young and I believe, he could have been saved. Maybe he would have died on the operating table, but at least we would have tried to save him - a good man.


I will never stop loving my daddy



7 comments:

  1. Debby- You and I have more in common than you know. VERY similar things. I don't think I have a direct email address for you. If you want to, please email me directly at dianakos1@gmail.com. It's too complicated to share here. God bless you- xo Diana

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  2. My dad passed from a massive heart attack shortly after his 75th birthday. Although it was 17 years ago, I miss him terribly. Take care my friend.

    They should have waited for you. How much closure from seeing your dad's body, I don't know. You never really believe it has happened. I was surprised how we talked to everyone during my dad's wake. When we left, we all had the same thought. Our dad would have loved it; he was a social butterfly.

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    1. Yeah at every family funeral, family and friends are jovial because we all gain strength from each other.It's when everyone goes home or you get tired.

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  3. How very sad, difficult times for sure.

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  4. My father died of a massive heart attack at the age of 57. I do not like going to funerals as I do not want to remember anyone in their coffin. I think the whole idea of viewing is morbid. My kids have orders to have no viewing of me in a funeral home, cremation, and do not resuscitate of I've suffered a long illness. They have argued with me about my thoughts, but tough. It is not only my life, but my death. I can still remember my uncle who pleaded for years to just be left to die as he suffered with cancer.

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    1. I don't like viewing the dead either. I haven't viewed a body in 20 years so I believe the trend is not to view or at the very least, a private viewing. Frankly, watching someone suffer in pain is cruel and my mom just sat there watching my dad, until he died. I could not do that.

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  5. Debby, I'm so sorry for your loss, but you never know what you're going to do until the situation happens to you. I'm sure your mom did the best she could at that exact time. I was just talking with a friend today complaining about this and that, and she told me that people are very different and they handle things differently than we handle them. Our conversation just came to mind when I read your post. I know how you feel losing your dad. My dad was pretty young when he died, and I was only 28. I felt I was way too young to lose a father. This is a treasured picture of you and your dad, and he was a handsome fellow. Sending you comforting thoughts today.

    ~Sheri

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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