Thursday, May 18, 2017

Cousins - who needs them?



Yesterday I mentioned about family - and then there are my cousins by the dozens, that won't give me the time of day. What is that all about?

I've lived my whole life, estranged from cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents - even my half-brother! Oh we would go back, every 2-3 years for a visit but you can't set a foundation or forge a decent relationship with only a few days of visiting. I was the cousin from California. I pen palled with 2 cousins for awhile. Then we all grew up and went our separate ways. When everyone was alive, there were 35 cousins just from my dad's side of the family. Nearly 55-2nd cousins. My dad was the youngest son and so some of his nieces and nephews were as old as he was, and they all grew up together in Eastern Tennessee. One BIG happy family.

Many did eventually move to California - so we have a big branch of the family now, all over California - yet no one wants to get together for a reunion. I see on Facebook, they "reunion" with everyone else - it used to hurt my sister a lot. Now my sister is gone and I'm starting to get bothered by it, because I really am orphaned. My parents and my sister are gone. The only family, that does seem to genuinely want to claim me, is my brother and his family - only they are in Alabama - and we are different as night and day. They are good people - just from Alabama. I have invited them, out to California several times, but they seem to be afraid to come out here, from all that they have heard. I've been back there, once and had a really nice time. My husband wants to go back this October. So we are thinking about it. It just bugs me, that no one ever wants to come out here to visit me - I'm the one who has to make the effort or it won't be done.

I don't think, they dislike me - they just don't know me or want to know me because I have never been a part of their lives. There is no bond.  They are cordial; treat me no different than you would a passing neighbor or friend. I wonder though, as we all are getting older, and we start dropping off, if ever, they will reach out and want to covet that family relationship we do have? I mean, if I live a long life, someone might get stuck with me - then they will have to get to know me.

So yesterday, I get an email from Ancestry - A 4th cousin is contacting me because we are in the same DNA circle - she tells me, no one will return her emails. Of course I did - and while I am not thinking, we are going to be best friends or anything, we can share with each other, family stories, fill in those missing pieces in our family trees.






14 comments:

  1. I used to see my cousins regularly, we have all pretty much drifted apart. I talk with some on Facebook from time to time...truth be told, I'm not anxious to get much closer.

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    1. Maybe that is how most of them feel

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  2. I feel you pain. I was the youngest of three daughters. Had 16 sets of Aunt's and Uncle's who each had at least two children each. So, I have been blessed with cousins, all of which were at least one year older than me or even twenty years. I have never actually counted all including seconds. By the time I was 23 I had lost my mother, my father and one sister. After the aunts got too old to host reunions, we quit having them. I used to try hard in my late twenties to get around and visit them all, but not one ever returned the visit. So, we see each other at funerals, if we bump into each other in town, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am genuinely happy to see them and they the same, but none of us make an effort.
    Faith: #TheWordonWords at Life & Faith in Caneyhead.

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    1. yeah,that's too bad.

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  3. I do hope you strike up a friendship with that 4th cousin of yours; at least someone like you said to email back and forth and share family stories, etc. Sad no one else returned her emails; at least a short one.

    My mom came from a family of 10 siblings; she was the youngest. I have so many 1st cousins I've never met, yet alone 2nd, 3rd, and we are probably on 4th cousins ourselves here. We moved from Pennsylvania to California when I was 7 so the connection we had with cousins faded over time, like yours did. My sister is really good about going to the family reunions they plan, but she lives in the Washington DC area so she's close by. She emails my brother and me occasionally with news about the family, who has passed, etc. To me sometimes they are just names, no connection with them.

    betty

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    1. My hobby is genealogy so I am constantly researching "family".

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  4. I don't know where most of my cousins live. I don't even know if they're alive. We seldom saw each other as children.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. I don't want to be best friends with them, but they can fill in the pieces if you are into family research, like I am

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  5. When our parents were alive, all of us first cousins saw each other all the time. Now that we are in our 60's, 70's and 80's, we only visit at funerals. I feel bad that my kids never got to know there extended families, but know that in this day and age, that is true for many folks. I have one son out of state and three cousins living in Europe.

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    Replies
    1. It's just the way it is now days, I guess.

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  6. One of my best friends is my cousin. I wish he lived closer. We talk on the phone a lot. My two granddaughter (both age 17) are best friend cousins too!

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    1. That's really special.

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  7. That's too bad that none of the cousins want to communicate. Many times, people are living their own lives, but as we get older, we have a need to bond with our relatives. You mentioned that your brother from Alabama would be afraid to come out to California from all that they have heard. May I ask why? I just did a post about our state, and it's a grand state, in my opinion. : ) This was an interesting post to me, Debby.

    ~Sheri

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    1. They are scared of California. They think it's all gangs and filth. My brother is a Pastor of a little country church that sings bluegrass for their churchy songs. We weren't raised together. He was raised in TN and I was in California. VERY DIFFERENT CULTURES!

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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