|My Grandma and me at age 5 years old.|
March is my birthday month. I've never liked birthdays. Just not a birthday person. Even when my kids were little, I would make them a special favorite meal, we'd have cake and ice cream- sing happy birthday and be done with it. I mean, what is the big deal? I believe one reason, I am not fond of that special day, is my mom would get emotional and sad and as a child, I hated to see her get that way. I tried never to do that to my kids. Funny though, they too are not big birthday people either. Years later, I realize my mom had mental illness.
I like to do something nice for myself. I don't wait around, for any one else to make my day special. I know what I like to eat, what cake I want, if any - where I want to go, or what I want to buy. That way, I am not disappointed. Some years, I take the whole month of March and treat myself. I'll buy something I like, and then say to myself, "It's for your birthday."
The last 9 years, March has been hard for me. My birthday is the 2nd. My sister, who passed away in Sept 2015 - her birthday was the 5th. Our Mom, committed suicide on the 6th, 2008. Totally changed my life. That is when, we left the Silicon valley and moved up here. Every year, on my sister's birthday, Donna would call me, crying. She kinda blamed herself for Mom's suicide. She was the last to have talked with her and it wasn't pleasant. I came to dread it - she would call - she would be drinking and crying and good old Debby, was always the one to have to cheer her up. Then after wards, I would have a good cry - get angry and try to move on. No wonder I have an ulcer to this day.
Before my sister passed, we joked about celebrating our birthdays in Sept - our half birthdays. But, that doesn't seem right to me. March, is my birthday month and stuff happens. It does get better, each passing year - I'll never forget though.