Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Happy March

My Grandma and me at age 5 years old. 

March is my birthday month. I've never liked birthdays. Just not a birthday person. Even when my kids were little, I would make them a special favorite meal, we'd have cake and ice cream- sing happy birthday and be done with it. I mean, what is the big deal? I believe one reason, I am not fond of that special day, is my mom would get emotional and sad and as a child, I hated to see her get that way. I tried never to do that to my kids. Funny though, they too are not big birthday people either. Years later, I realize my mom had mental illness.

I like to do something nice for myself. I don't wait around, for any one else to make my day special. I know what I like to eat, what cake I want, if any - where I want to go, or what I want to buy. That way, I am not disappointed. Some years, I take the whole month of March and treat myself. I'll buy something I like, and then say to myself, "It's for your birthday." 

The last 9 years, March has been hard for me. My birthday is the 2nd. My sister, who passed away in Sept 2015 - her birthday was the 5th. Our Mom, committed suicide on the 6th, 2008. Totally changed my life. That is when, we left the Silicon valley and moved up here. Every year, on my sister's birthday, Donna would call me, crying. She kinda blamed herself for Mom's suicide. She was the last to have talked with her and it wasn't pleasant. I came to dread it - she would call - she would be drinking and crying and good old Debby, was always the one to have to cheer her up. Then after wards, I would have a good cry - get angry and try to move on. No wonder I have an ulcer to this day.

Before my sister passed, we joked about celebrating our birthdays in Sept - our half birthdays. But, that doesn't seem right to me. March, is my birthday month and stuff happens. It does get better, each passing year - I'll never forget though.


10 comments:

  1. Sad about your mom, mental illness and depression is difficult for everyone, and there is so little to combat the disease.

    I always felt birthdays should be celebrated by the mother, not the child. These years I sometimes have to be reminded when it is my birthday, not senility, just not such a special day, sometimes I do buy myself something special though.

    Oops, my coffee is getting cold, gotta go.

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    1. But life goes on...and I am happy that it does.

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  2. I don't know what troubles me most. The sadness putting a damper on your birthday or your sister blaming herself for her mother's suicide. That was certainly a burden on your sister and you for having to relive it with her. Especially since it was not your sister's fault no matter what was said between she and her mother.
    I'm not a big birthday person either. We had a joyful cake when I was a child and a party because it was a big family. But I grew up. Turns out the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus aren't real either.

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  3. I am not a big birthday person either. I don't remember EVER celebrating a birthday when I was a child. I'm sure it was recognized but it wasn't a big deal. We were poor and money was much better spent on things we needed to survive. Nowadays parents are nuts and go over the top to compete with other parents. I am very sorry for your mom and your sister. My dad committed suicide when I was a child, so I really do understand the pain. If only they could have known the pain they would cause us for the rest of our lives. Sending you a big virtual hug!!

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    1. Young parents now days do go over the top.

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  4. Happy birthday month to you! I'm ambivalent about birthdays. I loved to celebrate the kids' ones when they were growing up, but I really want no mention of mine. Mine is very close to Christmas and my mom did a wonderful job of always making a point to celebrate my birthday and not sweep it under the rug as it was mere days before Christmas. Always had a cake for me, presents not wrapped in Christmas wrapping, etc. December has been an unkind month for us; kind of like your birthday month of March. Lots of tragedies and in the past 10 years my mom's death, my FIL's death, and our beloved corgi's death. All in December. Yet I am appreciative of every new year of life I am given.

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    1. I hear you - we do though, need to not let the past mess up our future. I'm working on that...

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  5. Happy Birthday Debby. I'm so sorry to hear this story about your mom. It must bring up painful memories around your and your sister's birthday month. This is a sweet picture of you and your grandma. You look happy. I hope you at least had a birthday cake, my friend.

    ~Sheri

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    1. No cake, but a lot of ice cream!!!

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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