Monday, March 06, 2017

A Good Lesson Learned



You can't go home again.

Well, you can, but it sure won't be the same. That is the eye-opening experience I had this weekend, driving down to the bay area for my friend's memorial service.

It was one of the best memorials I have gone to. Maybe it's because she passed November 23 and it was a shock, so they waited till after the holiday season to March 4 for a memorial and even then, they were still raw, with emotion. For everyone else, it was just a good place to be - sharing good and funny memories of our friend.

When you move away and are no longer part of the same community, you may say, "We will still keep in touch and be friends." but things do change. My good friend, who lives there, practically ignored me the whole time there. She was nice, but she was talking to everyone there - people she sees more than me. I did get bitchy, and at one point, when she walked by and said, "oh so many people to talk to." I said, "Yeah I drove 4 hours to have you ignore me."

Hhhhhh, Did I just say THAT?  I can be so rude and outspoken at times, a trait that seems to get worse, the older I get.

Of course I spoke with many old friends - and it was good to see everybody. But this one friend - I "EXPECTED" more.  And that is the problem. Expectations always get me into trouble. Can't live that way, and I know this and don't usually EXPECT things, from others - but I slipped up - expected we would spend more time with each other visiting and it didn't happen. Expectations is a close relative to ASSUMING. (Assume) 

The husband and I went back to our room at Moffett Federal Airfield Navy Lodge. I grumbled about it  - then I decided to just put it behind me. No biggie. My own fault anyway because I assumed and expected. Never once did we actually PLAN anything.

It used to be, we never had to plan anything. We were close friends and we just assumed and expected to be there for each other. I can understand it NOW, that I have had time to think about it. Like if she came here, granted she doesn't know anybody, but for her to expect me to stop my life to show her around, would be assuming.

When you are away for so long, things change and you can't expect it to be the way it used to be. It takes time and we were only there for overnight.

I'm probably not going back for at least another year. It's a shame, if I keep dwelling on it. Just have to shelf it and forget about it. Life is too short.




11 comments:

  1. Personally, I think you should write her a note. Tell her how you miss the days of your 'easy' friendship. And that maybe when you go back, you can make some plans. Good friends are hard to find, and harder to keep, but we all have to do a little work to keep a friendship going.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Your link worked perfectly.
    Heather
    Co-Host, 2017 Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not going to hold it against her. We have at least a 20 year history.

      Delete
  2. I've had expectations regarding old friends. I'm usually disappointed. For some people, it's as if we disappear when we move to a different place.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know the old saying, Outta sight, outta mind.

      Delete
  3. Sorry your friend didn't spend the time with you like you wanted. I've noticed as I get older that I am very picky about who I want to be hang out with. And the people we once knew.....some have changed tremendously, and others, it's like we started right where we left off.


    ~Sheri

    ReplyDelete
  4. I had a similar experience with a friend that I was very close to, albeit for a short period of time before we moved from Montana to Southern California 10 years back. We had clicked, bonded, became friends over such a short period of time. There was close to 30 years difference in our friendship; at times I was a mentor to her. She asked me to be in the delivery room along with her husband and mother for the birth of her 2nd child. And then we moved. We still kept in touch although she was incredibly busy with 3 young children (another had come along after we had moved). She lost a pregnancy at 25 weeks and let me know, but it seemed like an after thought. We had planned to go to visit the area that May before she had lost the baby, but we still continued with our plans to visit. I wasn't expecting her to drop everything for me, but she made it pointedly clear that she had other things on her agenda that didn't include spending time with me. Hubby and me still enjoyed our visit, visiting other friends and seeing sites we enjoyed. I pretty much washed away the friendship and grieved it. Then last May she and her hubby ended up in a visit where we live for business and we got together for dinner. It was like before when we were super close and since then our friendship resumed how it had been. So don't give up on your friend; could have been so many things that had her act the way she did. Just give it some time and see if anything develops/changes from it.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your story. I won't give up.

      Delete
  5. I most definitely know the feeling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's just the way life is....

      Delete
  6. When things like this happen it can be upsetting, and even when we say oh well I will just put it behind me and move on we find we often dwell on it and replay things over and over and over and telling ourselves to stop it doesn't seem to work if it was me I would put pen to paper and say how I felt and then either send it to the friend or screw it up and toss it out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I blogged it. That is it for me.

      Delete

Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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