Sunday, December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas






I hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas - whichever way you observe and celebrate. I've had years where I could barely get out of bed - due to depression and grief. It started for me when my 25 yr old son died, unexpectedly on May 8, 2003. 3 days before Mothers Day.

Each year, I tolerated the season and mostly faked it. I used to put up the tree right after Thanksgiving and now, it was a chore, I did, a week or so before Christmas. Then it would take me a month, to take them down. I nearly lost my faith - then I felt, I was unworthy.

I was just starting to feel some grief-relief when:

My dad died in 2007.

My mom committed suicide in 2008.

My best friend died 2010 - she was 49.

My sister died, unexpectedly last year at the age of 56.

Last month a good friend of mine, died at 68.

I kept taking hits - that would try and knock me off my feet. Moms suicide nearly did me in - and even though those years 2007-2016 were rough, they still were not as bad as from 2003-2007.

I can honestly say, that I believe I am through it - I am starting to regain my love for Christmas and for LIFE in general. I feel great. Even with losing my sister and my good friend, last month. It didn't trigger past grief. Yes I grieved, but in a normal way.

 I am grateful to God, that I finally have made it though the other side of grief. I screamed and cried and kicked the whole way - I just wouldn't accept any of it. God stayed true to me. I couldn't accept His peace.

So what does this have to do with Christmas? 

31 years ago, at Christmas, is when I accepted that special Babe in the manger.  So every Christmas, (with the exception of the last 8 years) I would try and take a inventory of my walk with God. I may not be the best Christian out there; I have my struggles and all, but I do know, that if it weren't for THAT BABY, I would of never survived, all that I have been through.

So much happening in the world today, that I don't like or understand. There is a lot of PAIN out there, as well. Bottom line, we are ALL welcome at the manger. It is time, that we who believe, make that known to those who do not feel welcome.



7 comments:

  1. You have had a load of losses. To have people to love and love you back is a gift. I've never lost a child; I don't think I would do any better moving on than you. I'm glad you are able to move on.

    There is a purpose in our lives and there is work for us. I have a hard time accepting things at time. But the longer I live, It doesn't get easier. Recognizing it will work out is easier.

    These are all good thoughts to ponder Debbie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ann. Merry Christmas

      Delete
  2. So much loss and so much sadness, I get how it would affect how you deal with Christmas I hope next Christmas is a better one and each one after that things get better and better. My mum wasn't in the Christmas spirit this year due to her mum dying last month.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can understand about your Mum. She will always feel that loss around the holidays. Unfortunately, LOSS is a part of life. I finally figured that out- after all those years of grief.

      Delete
  3. This made me cry. I am sorry about you losing your son; I can't imagine that pain; that is my worst nightmare. Our Decembers for the past 10-15 years have been terrible off and on (mostly on). The worst was when my mom passed 12/13/2006. The other hard times I was able to put up a Christmas tree and do the normal stuff of Christmas (gifts, etc.) but that year I just stalled and could not put a tree up (there were other things going on that sapped the joy out of my life). I dreaded Christmas since, when once I loved Christmas and all that it represented. This year, thanks for a step grand daughter who still had the love of Christmas and a new grandson, I could do the normals of Christmas (tree, gifts) and actually enjoy them.

    So true all are welcomed at the manger. There is always room in the inn at Jesus' house!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww Betty, I'm sorry. I tell you, it takes constant work, to make the CHOICE to be happy in all things. My regret is that it took me so long. I wasted a lot of years.

      Here's to next year and happier times.

      Delete
  4. Debby, I'm sorry to hear about all the loved ones you have lost. My father, mother, brother, nephew, favorite cousin have all passed away through the years. The last two years have been very difficult ones for me too, and I'm hoping this year will be a grand one. Thanks for following us at Red Rose Alley, and I'm now following you as well.

    I hope the new year is a bright one for you.

    ~Sheri

    ReplyDelete

Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

Popular Posts