Sunday, November 22, 2015

So here I am

The husband and I in the middle with Laydee and friends on each end. Standing at the Sundial Bridge in Redding Ca



I'm doing fine - Wish I could shake the occasional bouts of sadness that I get, over my sister's sudden death. On the most part, I am doing so much better than I used to - in regard to the grieving. EXPEDIENCE I guess. What is left, after all is said and done, is just the normal-missing-her part.  I no longer TRY to figure it out. Well not entirely - I am still curious about the blood test results just because, she is my baby sister - my blood. It seems my brother-in-law may be keeping facts away from myself as well as my niece. My husband keeps telling me, "WHY do you need to know more details?"  I don't know, I just do. But at least I am not obsessing about it. Maybe once a week, it will cross my mind but it does upset me though. That's why it is best to not think about it.

Since Donna's death, every time I take a afternoon nap, I wonder...will I die in my sleep like she did?
I am still trying to get my house in order, in case I should die. I just would be so embarrassed for people to rummage through some of the dumb things I have kept.

2 weeks ago, I fell, hard. I did not break anything, just some bruising on my right side. I have a baby gate in the bathroom, to keep the dog out of the kitty litter. Usually I scale that sucker, with no problems - BUT this particular time, I was rushing and not thinking, and my flip flops caught on the gate and I lost my balance and BAM, right on the hard floor. It felt like a Mack Truck had hit me for a few days - my upper arm muscle, bothered me. Then yesterday I am at the dog park, and all of a sudden I get hit from behind and knocked over by a 125 lb Great Dane/Black Lab mix. Down I went again, on that right-side, re injuring that upper arm muscle. I was sore last night.

I might go in and see the Doc on Tuesday. My arm seems to be weak when I raise it up - at times, it seems to "catch" and then I get pain. It's not broke, but I might have pulled a muscle. I am right-handed so it is hard for me to do anything. Try going to the bathroom, when you can't use your hand or arm because it is in a sling. So I stopped with the sling.

I just want to be "me" again.

PS. I am wearing my sister's favorite comfy sweater in the picture.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about your fall! I find that it seems to take longer to get over little (or big) injuries as we age. And with new little aches and pains showing up sometimes, I wonder about my health sometimes. Hope you do go see the doctor and get some advice. It might calm your worries.
    I'm sorry to hear about your sister's death (hadn't read about that.. I'm newer to your blog). There is no timetable for grief, so I hope you feel free to let it happen. Hope you are finding some comfort, though. Death is so unknown, I think it's normal to have a little fear around it (the how, the what). I do hope you do find some peace about it, too! Thanks for visiting my blog! :)

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    1. You are right, there is no timetable for grief and everyone handles it so differently. The holidays can be rough, if I overthink it too much.

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  2. Falls suck, just saying, I fell over last week while walking in thongs, I should had changed my shoes before I rushed out to the hospital, grandson Blain had been taken via ambulance and I was rushing over to make sure he was ok and fell on my knees and hands. Then two days later my mum fell out of bed on her hands and knees, she didn't realise she was so close to the edge of the bed and when she went to swing her legs out of the bed she lost her balance and fell. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a sibling and one that is younger then us would be worse the older ones are suppose to go first.

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    1. Oh my goodness Jo-Anne. Yeah I'm with you, falls suck!!!

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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