Thursday, September 17, 2015
So it's been a little over a week - It was surreal when I lost my son. It's also surreal when you lose your younger sibling and now, you are the only one left from the little family growing up. I am not only a orphan, I am totally alone. Okay, maybe not totally - like, I have my family - the one I helped create but I am the only one around now, who is the keeper of all the family tales, stories, memories etc. It's up to me alone - to let the younger generation - my 2 sons and my niece to know who their family was, as well as our ancestors and to keep it alive.
I was thinking, I am kinda jealous - my mom, dad, my sister, my son - they are all UP there - Shoot man, I am only 61. I think that is rare that they all went before me. (Okay here I go obsessing again)
I am NOT ready to go yet. I like it here and I feel good, and healthy. But yeah, it kinda scares me a little, to think I could just drop dead, like my sister. I was impressed with my sister's home. It was immaculate. Man, I need to do some major housecleaning!!!
I got sad, thinking how hard my sister worked - quitting one job to get a better job with better pay - always climbing that ladder of success, and then to just die and not be able to collect her SS. I have decided to collect mine at age 62 - this coming March. I mean, what is a measly extra $200 when you have to wait till you are 67. Heck it could get eaten up with inflation. Nope, I want mine NOW.
Sometimes, we plan and think so far ahead, we forget to live for now. My sister was like that. I guess she thought she would live forever - or that she could miraculously overcome all her health issues just with a bottle of herbs. I know, she was having problems, dealing with being a "senior". Someone recently asked her if she was a senior and she got all upset. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be a full-fledged senior. So she died fairly young. Sometimes, it is so hard for me to wrap my brains around it all.
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