Thursday, September 17, 2015

Thoughts


So it's been a little over a week - It was surreal when I lost my son. It's also surreal when you lose your younger sibling and now, you are the only one left from the little family growing up. I am not only a orphan, I am totally alone. Okay, maybe not totally - like, I have my family - the one I helped create but I am the only one around now, who is the keeper of all the family tales, stories, memories etc. It's up to me alone - to let the younger generation - my 2 sons and my niece to know who their family was, as well as our ancestors and to keep it alive.

I was thinking, I am kinda jealous - my mom, dad, my sister, my son - they are all UP there - Shoot man, I am only 61. I think that is rare that they all went before me. (Okay here I go obsessing again)

I am NOT ready to go yet. I like it here and I feel good, and healthy. But yeah, it kinda scares me a little, to think I could just drop dead, like my sister. I was impressed with my sister's home. It was immaculate. Man, I need to do some major housecleaning!!!

I got sad, thinking how hard my sister worked - quitting one job to get a better job with better pay - always climbing that ladder of success, and then to just die and not be able to collect her SS. I have decided to collect mine at age 62 - this coming March. I mean, what is a measly extra $200 when you have to wait till you are 67. Heck it could get eaten up with inflation. Nope, I want mine NOW.

Sometimes, we plan and think so far ahead, we forget to live for now. My sister was like that. I guess she thought she would live forever - or that she could miraculously overcome all her health issues  just with a bottle of herbs. I know, she was having problems, dealing with being a "senior". Someone recently asked her if she was a senior and she got all upset. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be a full-fledged senior. So she died fairly young. Sometimes, it is so hard for me to wrap my brains around it all.




6 comments:

  1. I completely agree! Collect that SS when you turn 62. It's not worth waiting for and you don't know how long you are going to live!

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    1. I was so on-the-fence about it, but now I am sure.

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  2. Do you ever read Real Simple, the magazine? The pumpkin issue has a good article about women and drinking. You should read it. Some of the things you have talked about are in the article. I agree with your sister. I don't like the whole aging thing, AT ALL.

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    1. No I only buy it occasionally. I'll have to look for it and read it while I stand in line.

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  3. One of the reasons Tim and I are taking overseas holidays now is because if we wait till he retires we may not be able to do so, my parents toured Australia when dad retired thinking there would be time for overseas holidays later in life, now after having lung cancer and now suffering from COPD dad isn't really well enough to fly and such he regrets not going overseas when he was younger. I can't imagine outliving my parents or siblings

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    Replies
    1. I think that is a good idea.

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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