Monday, September 14, 2015

I'm Angry




It's taken me a few days, to be able to write this. Last Tuesday, Sept 8 my sister passed away. She was only 56.

Talk about SHOCK! But then again, why was I? I had a hunch she was more ill, than she let on. I could just look at her and tell. She of course would deny everything and tell me, she was losing weight and her blood pressure was normal. Then why was she having dizzy spells, and swollen ankles and legs? Why did she have no muscle tone in her legs and arms? Why did she have these bruise marks on her, that never went away? Why did she always look so bloated?  I would google-search and try and find out what it was. AT one point, I thought she might have diabetes. She had a big belly and thin everywhere else. She was fatigued all the time.  No energy.

The last time we saw them, we had dinner with them in Monterrey. I noticed she barely ate, but drank a lot of wine - one after another. Her husband and my cousin were drunk and she was the designated driver. I felt uneasy about that, being the Big sister that I am.

When her husband found her, she was in bed. The investigators looked in their drawers, trying to see if it was a suicide. He was irritated about that. Instead, they found a bottle of vodka in her night stand, by her bed. He said he had no idea, why that would be there. I was reminded, of the many times, she would call me, and she had been drinking - always when her husband was away. (He had been a Trucker for a few years and would be gone 2-4 weeks at a time)

So we find out the preliminary reason for her early death. Cirrhosis of the Liver and Gastrointestinal bleeding, a result of Cirrhosis.  The Coroner asked if she was a closet Alcoholic. That, too made my brother-in-law mad. I am once again,  reminded - years ago after her first divorce, she did go wild. She dated this semi-pro golfer who she was infatuated with. She was drinking heavily back then and using cocaine. The golfer dumped her. She went nuts trying to get him back.

One time, we get a phone call and apparently she had been kidnapped by 3 guys. They beat her up - My mom flew out to Sacramento to stay with her. A week later, we get another phone call. She had been kidnapped AGAIN, by the same 3 guys and beat up. That time, my thinking cap turned on. I didn't believe it. Sure enough the woman investigator didn't believe her either and she was found out and admitted, both times were a lie to get attention from the golfer. She was sent to a Recovery House for her cocaine addiction and for alcoholism.

She went back to drinking - but she didn't do it around people too much. She was careful. Her daughter was shocked, what the coroner said she died from. She herself had rarely seen her Mom drink. I on the other hand, knew differently. Sister and I, had many discussions about it and she always denied it. What could I do???

Then she marries this guy - a big drinker. Their wedding reception was one big drunk - I was the designated driver. The worst wedding reception I ever attended. Now he wants to have this "Celebration of Life" Doesn't want anything religious - so there will be no service. However, there will be an OPEN BAR.

It's not like this is a Irish Wake. This is just another excuse for him and his friends to get shit-face drunk.

I don't approve and it doesn't feel right to me.

13 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. She probably couldn't help herself, but I know that doesn't make you feel better.

    Love,
    Janie

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  2. I'm really sorry. She is the grandma to the new baby/toddler?

    I stopped drinking 10 months ago.

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    Replies
    1. Yes she is a new Grandma - He will be 2 years old next month

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  3. First of all I am really really sorry about your loss. Sisters are a treasure. I am sorry that alcohol played a nasty role in coming between you and your sister.

    I hope that a lot of people get to read this post of yours. This post will give people some perception of what can happen if people do not take alcoholism seriously. Also I am hoping that you are not going to depend on alcohol to wash off your sorrow. Please don't

    Talk to people. Talk to people who care and who are sensible.

    I hope that there are other members of your family and you guys can count on each other for support as well.

    Also please eat right and try to sleep. Exercise if you need to as exercise can give you a work out enough to be able to fall a sleep without having to depend on any chemical ( including alcohol).

    I can understand your anger very well. Hang in there..We cannot turn back time. We cannot change people all of a sudden.

    Your sister deserves the respect of proper services. If her husband does not arrange one for her may be you can go to the church ( or where ever you go for prayers) and pray for her in solitude. I like that kind of prayer.

    I am sure the sober side of your sister always knew how much you cared and no matter how her husband handles her services she will rest in peace if you just for the last time hold on to your values and be civil.

    My prayers are with you and your beloved sister. May she rest in Peace. Amein.

    I am glad you wrote this post.


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  4. I'm sorry. I understand. My brother died of the same disease. He too had a difficult life. I'm sure you must have such a wide range of emotions. After all, you were the big Sis.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, my emotions are all over the place.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.

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  6. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. Of course you are angry, but I hope that you will be able to forgive. Sometimes people get in and they can't get out. It doesn't help that they don't always ask for help or even know they need it.

    God bless you...

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you at this difficult time.

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  8. I am so sorry to hear about your sister's passing reading this made me think of how I would cope if I was to lose one of my siblings and it was not a pleasant thought as we are a close knit family, I don't get not having a funeral just a booze up that isn't right but he is the husband and what he wants is what will happen

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    Replies
    1. We were once all close - it still hurts

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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