|Robin Williams and Billy Crystal|
Yesterday, I posted about Robin Williams and his death. Then I deleted it.
Just the way, he did it - upset me to my core. I was driving when I heard it on the radio news, that he had hung himself. I had to pull over to the side of the road. All day yesterday I was on the verge of crying, and then I told Foodie and cried it out with him. So much emotion - triggered some old feelings when my Mom committed suicide 6 years ago.
I'm sad that he felt so awful that his life wasn't worth living anymore - that his family and children were not enough anymore.
Could he have been helped?
I belong to a suicide group and most say, that suicide being a "selfish act" is not right. They don't like to think of their loved ones, being selfish. I disagree.
Yes my Mom was in mental anguish - but she also had been planning this in her mind for a time. (a couple of weeks or so) She strategically left notes around the house, that I would later find - sometimes, months afterwards - saying how we never loved her, we were selfish. Downright mean things. That's sick. I believe my Mom, did it to punish my sister and I. She wanted to make our lives miserable and ruin my sister's birthday as well as our birthday month of March.
Whether consciously or not, Suicide is a selfish final act. They are so into feeling their own pain, it isn't enough to snap them out of it. It's evil. It's like something comes over them and there is no turning back. That really scares me.
My mom's father (my grandfather) shot himself too. And his father, (my great grandfather) jumped off a bridge. Mental illness runs in my family.
As someone who has struggled with depression, on and off for most of my life, I am now aware of this family curse. (It was a family secret for years until I got into genealogy after my moms suicide) It is now a very big responsibility to break that cycle. I just hope, I have the strength.