Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My feelings on Suicide

Robin Williams and Billy Crystal

Yesterday, I posted about Robin Williams and his death. Then I deleted it.

Just the way, he did it - upset me to my core. I was driving when I heard it on the radio news, that he had hung himself. I had to pull over to the side of the road. All day yesterday I was on the verge of crying, and then I told Foodie and cried it out with him. So much emotion - triggered some old feelings when my Mom committed suicide 6 years ago.

I'm sad that he felt so awful that his life wasn't worth living anymore - that his family and children were not enough anymore.

Could he have been helped?

I belong to a suicide group and most say, that suicide being a "selfish act" is not right. They don't like to think of their loved ones, being selfish. I disagree.

Yes my Mom was in mental anguish - but she also had been planning this in her mind for a time. (a couple of weeks or so) She strategically left notes around the house, that I would later find - sometimes, months afterwards - saying how we never loved her, we were selfish. Downright mean things. That's sick. I believe my Mom, did it to punish my sister and I. She wanted to make our lives miserable and ruin my sister's birthday as well as our birthday month of March. 

Whether consciously or not, Suicide is a selfish final act. They are so into feeling their own pain, it isn't enough to snap them out of it. It's evil. It's like something comes over them and there is no turning back. That really scares me.

My mom's father (my grandfather) shot himself too. And his father, (my great grandfather) jumped off a bridge. Mental illness runs in my family.

As someone who has struggled with depression, on and off for most of my life, I am now aware of this family curse. (It was a family secret for years until I got into genealogy after my moms suicide) It is now a very big responsibility to break that cycle. I just hope, I have the strength.


  1. I bet he didn't take the meds that he needed. His career was based on his manic personality. He probably thought why take something that would put a damper on that.

    In my opinion, there are no demons involved. The man was sick, and he didn't seek proper treatment.

    It's sad, but it probably takes the death of a beloved actor/comedian to wake people up. It's an illness.

    1. I'm sure you are right.

    2. It seems he sought treatment, though. He went to rehab more than once. He would have received psychological evaluations there. It's possible that he was seeing a psychiatrist, but you're absolutely right: it's an illness and sometimes it's an illness that kills.

  2. I think a person who commits suicide, or makes a serious attempt, is in intense pain. I don't consider it a selfish act, and then you write about your mom. Yes, what she did was selfish and cruel.


    1. It's all so complicated.

  3. Good luck in breaking the cycle x

  4. I once read an article written by a woman who had attempted suicide. She obviously didn’t succeed. She did explain how she felt, though. After years of caregiving, her daughter died of a chronic painful illness.
    The woman, the one who wrote the article, talked about how much pain she was in after her daughter’s death. She described the pain as if it were physical. I understood what she meant.
    I believe it is true that for the person who is struggling, the pain is all encompassing. So I suppose you could call that total self involvement. The sentence in her article that got through to me was: “I just wanted to pain to go away.” And that gave me insight into just how much this woman had been suffering.
    She was fortunate, however, because she was found in time. I say fortunate because she was given a second chance to be able to understand that the pain would eventually subside to a manageable level. She was then able to step outside of herself and let her other children and family back in.
    I would not presume to give you advice.
    Even though we don’t know each other personally, I relate to your posts. I believe if we were to sit and have coffee for you and tea for me, I think we would have a really nice time.

    1. Thank you Lyndagrace -I'm right there with ya, coffee cup in hand, lets chat!

  5. I don't understand suicide but I have never been that depressed that I have thought it was the only way to stop the pain


Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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