Sunday, November 17, 2013

The big guns - adult protective services




Blogging right now, is a way for me to document everything that is going on. Like a diary...hopefully a year from now I will see how much better everything is. I sure hope so.

From the MOther of all days, there was more "fun" ...I just couldn't cohesively put it on the same post.

The husband's father - continues to go downhill. He is much more acute, than what we were told.  He can barely take care of himself.  The diapers and personal urinal is not working. He continues to wet his bed and make a mess at the shelter.  While all of this was going down, with C & R - the shelter kept calling and leaving messages saying they could no longer keep him because they do not have the facilities for someone like him.

He is almost out of money - and we are not able to take him in. There is no room and with all that he needs, he would need an attendant. Unless we just converted our living room. Then I would lose where I conduct my business. We are running out of our own money as it is, and with property taxes due in December and still we do not have the money saved like we always have. We are so screwed. We have spent money, moving C & R down here that would of gone toward the taxes. Moving him in with us, is NOT AN OPTION. Yes it is sad and regardless of how I feel for the man and what he has done, I do feel bad for him. I am concerned and worried about him, as well as for us.

The husband called back to the shelter to tell them. They were at their wit's end as we were but they have people they can call - we don't know what we are doing!  This was flung at us out of left field.

An hour later, the county Adult Protective Services called. The guy there came down on us at first, trying to put this on us, as if we are the ones who caused all of this.  We explained to him, about his marriage, how his wife's daughter and children were the ones who sent him out here, without giving us any notice. We do not have room at our home, nor do we even have transportation that will accommodate his wheelchair. I mean, WHAT CAN WE DO????  Finally he agreed that the FIL was pretty much dumped on us.  He then said he would take it from there.

I don't know what is going to happen. Can the powers that be, FORCE us to take him, even if we have no room or real knowledge on how to take care of him?  

I called a friend of mine, who is retired from the county. She said she could find people to help us. Tomorrow, if the husband can get off of work early, he has a appointment at a place for the homeless to help him get into an assisted living facility. If they don't make this appointment, we will have to wait even longer. Meanwhile APS intervened with the shelter, informing them, they cannot throw him out.

All we want, is for someone to help us, guide us but it seems the whole system city, county, state and feds are so messed up - so many hoops to jump through. And each one of them, keep passing him off to another.

I thought, we had a system in place, that would help those in NEED. It seems NO ONE knows what they are doing.

12 comments:

  1. So sad! Sounds like he might be better off in an assisted living or even some type of nursing home where he could get the care he needs because shelters tend to be temporary situations. I've volunteered in one .

    Taking care of a family member is a choice but not required so don't worry about that, they can't make you take him if you can't afford or aren't able to care for his due to his particular ailments or needs.

    I would guess he'd have to file for Medicaid first be be eligible for full coverage to pay for nursing home/assisted living (at least that's how it works her in my state). The only thing is he'll have to turn over any assets he has, life insurance, savings or pension.

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    1. We were surprised that at age 87 he is not on medicare. When he gets on that, maybe there is some help. I don't know.

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  2. This all sucks, Coffee Lady. I don't know what to tell you. You sound strong, at least. Oh. I'm thinking about visiting your state. Can I stay with you?? Kidding.

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    1. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh that's funny! Sure come on down, we'll let you stay in the living room between the bed pan and urinal.

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    2. That's funny LOL

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  3. I have been dealing with the "elder abuse" syndrome here also. I have been debating whether to start the transition to bring my dad home from the nursing home back to his home with help. Seems that since I am an only child, and if I take on the responsibility of bringing him home, I will take the heat as in elder abuse if he falls, or is not eating or having nurses in place or home health. The attorney who is helping me to get Nebr medicaid warned me to step lightly and think things through as I could very well end up in jail and in the women's pen for elder abuse. My dad needs more care, and if I am not living there to make sure everything runs smooth, I will be in jail. Please do not get me wrong, I know that there are elder abuse cases all over the country, but it has morphed into something more like a vendetta against you, even if you are well intent on doing the right thing. Since ObamaCare has been implemented, it is truly a huge nightmare coming about, like a storm. So I am at my wit's end as to what to do or even do it and leave my dad where he is. He hates it, but my mother has Alzheimer's and is still at home, and I try to take care of her needs, but she is very ill-tempered, and my dad is a very hyper type A and will make demands of my mother to wait on him and cook etc until I have a thing that I call :MMA fighting meets Romper Room". I personally am totally drained both physically and mentally.
    You and I are battling similar battles, and I am not sure how to win the war. I guess fight another day.
    Hugs to you.

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    1. Thank you. I will take any and all hugs right now. This nightmare continues. Yes, when dealing with our elders, we have to be careful. The system will try and corner you, and then turn around and bite you in the butt! Legally speaking of course.

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    2. An afterthought from above mentioned about Medcare. In Nebr, I am not sure of other states, but Medicare will only cover 100 days of nursing home IF the elder has been in the hospital. It will not cover nursing home if the patient has not been in the hospital. Then you have to apply for Medicaid. I have been at trying to get Medicaid for my dad since Feb of this year, and all I got was static, and threats of being in jail for numerous things. I ended up getting an attorney, though I cannot afford such, but I had to, to get what dad and mom needed. And I am also petitioning the county court for guardianship as both are not too swift on thinking or making very tough and sensible decisions. That is another bridge I have to cross and much, much more responsibility on my end and more threats of elder abuse if something is not covered. It is absolutely unbelievable the things and threats I have received, but once the attorney stepped in, it calmed down very quickly and things are moving along, but I still have many rules and regulations to adhere to IF I bring dad home. Some of which, we cannot afford like 24/7 nursing and equipment and someone to come in a cook meals. I at at my wits end also, as I am almost afraid stick my nose out the door without someone coming along and telling me I'm not doing anything right or the law will be down my throat. Quite an eye opener for me now. And the funny thing is, I am getting no help for ME, no council, no one to just sit down with me to ask how I am doing, or is there something we can do to help you, to have a day off, an afternoon off, or just a cup of coffee and some quiet time....no, just threats. So my word to the wise is to make sure you damn well have all of your ducks in a row as like you said, something will come around and bit you in the A$$.
      Hugs

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    3. Wow Den, that was a lot of good info. I will read this to my husband. Medicare and medicaid is a federal program so I am sure it is the same here in California as it is in Nebr. Unlike you, we cannot have him here due to his behavior and because we simply do not have room or accommodations for him.

      I had no idea about any of this. NOW we are trying to catch up, trying to learn as fast as we can, in the midst of a crisis. It is terribly stressful so I feel for you. You just be careful. Here you are, trying to do the right thing and all they can do is threaten, just doesn't make sense.

      Is your dad a veteran?

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    4. Yes, but a lot of funding for Vets have been depleted. He is a WWII Navy vet. but was stationed in CA at several aircraft fields. I have looked into that, but we have a moron for a vets rep here and he is totally retarded, and doesn't care about the vets. Can't go any farther than that. Its Gov crap now, and because of ObumboCare, its totally worse now.
      I have had a crash course in this since Feb. Even in the hospitals where dad was, I was getting various degrees of "threats" like the nursing staff asking if he was being abused, or starved. Why they asked that, is because dad is very thin, and has always been thin, and now he does not eat good, and the last time he was in the ER for several bad nose bleeds, I was asked, why is he getting nosebleeds, where have YOU been. I mentioned he IS in a nursing facility, and he has always had nosebleeds, even when I was young. He is very thin skinned now and is on Aggrenox for the strokes. I probably could write a book about this very traumatic part of my life. Like you, dad has a very type A personality, and has Sundowner's syndrome with stroke complications of the brain, and is very demanding, and my mom and him do not get along, they never got along even when married. I wished they would of divorced years ago, it may have made things much easier, maybe not. But their doctor, and my attorney are cautioning me to be very, very careful bringing him home to an Alzheimers mother. He thinks he can control her and you cannot control dementia. And he is a a$$ anyway and very very demanding and my mother cannot think or cook or manage housework. He gets mad if you tell him that things are not as they were and he does not take into consideration my health or work or my life, its all about him getting home, as he can make it better, he can't. He will just make it worse than it is now. And my thing is I need help, and do not get it, just threats.

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  4. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this kind of issue. It's hard enough when it's kids, but when it's an adult it's even more difficult. Hugs and good thoughts that all goes well for you.

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    1. Thank You for the good thoughts and hugs. I just don't know what we are going to do.

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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