Thursday, October 17, 2013

woman to woman

one we looked at yesterday.

Yesterday I decided to phone my mother-in-law - I knew that my FIL was at the VA for a doctors appointment. So I knew we could talk freely.

What she told me - made me sick. I believe he needs more assisted care. He is incontinent. And he needs help in the shower. He also has skin cancer that is not only on his face, ears etc, but on his arms. He is forgetful - leaving pans on stoves. He is a sucker, for every scam-artist that comes along - and she has had to spend thousands of dollars, covering him. He can get violent and her children are afraid for her. He spends hours online, on porno sites. And they receive phone calls from girls, from all over. One gal called from South Africa. He lies about everything and doesn't feel the least bit of remorse for anything.

He sounds like my ex.

So that puts a different spin on things.

Talked with my husband's brother and they don't want him. There is bad blood between them all up in Washington State plus, times have hit them hard too and little brother and his wife have had to move in with the sister and her husband. The older sister, is having heart problems and just lost her husband about a year or two ago. It's totally on us. Plus it is cheaper here than up there in a more urban area.

If he can get through the credit check - we can get him into an apartment - then start the process of getting him on Medi-Ca and into an assisted living facility.

Meanwhile those logistics keep haunting me - trying to figure out HOW to get him here. The airlines won;t let him take his wheelchair or walker on board - so he has to stow them in cargo.  Then we will have to rent a handicapped van, to pick him up, at $200+ a day. I guess those charge cards are going to have to be used. There is no other way. He will need furniture, and a bed. Of course we will go to thrift stores to find this - He has to pay first month's rent and security deposit.

I had heart palpitations on and off all day yesterday. Tightness in my chest. I totally believe it is anxiety/stress/ and my gerd has come back.  I'm physically not feeling too good, Emotionally, I am all over the place. I feel so bad for him but then again I am mad and grossed out from all that I do know. I feel bad for my husband and I am relieved when he assured me, that he would not allow his father and me to be alone at any time.  I have some "men issues" that stems from my past and much of this, stirs up my emotions. I even had a bad dream last night - all mixed up; about my FIL, my ex and it was not good!

Well it's on to another fun day in my neighborhood.  Thanks for allowing me to share my heart and get this off my chest and on to this blog. Plus it's documenting everything. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh one funny thing - while there at the 3rd place we looked at, I saw a flyer on a board, that reminded people to sign up for "Meals on Wheels" after age 60. It hit me. Shoot man, I will be 60 in March.  Wow. I can't believe I am eligible for that. I told the husband, at age 55 we celebrated at Denny's with a senior discounted meal - when I turn 60, we'll just order up some meals on wheels to usher in my so-called golden years. (Of course I am JUST kidding - or am I????)


  1. Wow. I don't envy you.

    1. not just a little????? :-)

  2. And why not!! I turned 55 last Sunday, the 13th and I now am eligible for senior discount at the grocery. Way to go! And it really helps at the check-out.
    I am having some of the same issues as you, and I am ill now to, heart problems, gerd, and sensitive bowels. One of my parents in in a care facility, is getting very mean and my mother, just yesterday, called me and told me I was taking the money, and when my husband and I went over, she became furious and threw a coffee cup at me, and then picked up her cane to wollop me over the head. Husband stepped in between us, and then I proceeded to unload on her and I just about called the ER and had her put away. In tears, she said she was sorry but I told her one more incident and she would be over to the care facility with dad, no questions asked or anything. That did it for me, I now, do not trust her and it has made me furious. My problem is I am an only child and no help. I have had to get an attorney to help me get Nebraska elder medicaid and all I have had are problems.
    I, personally, like you are on my last legs, both physically and emotionally.
    There is no help here where I live, pretty rural and no resources.
    All I can do is hang on. Please take care, I DO know what you are going through.

    1. Aw thanks - I sure hope things get better for you.

  3. I flew three times when my back was broken. I was wearing a back brace and using a walker. I requested assistance in advance. As soon as I approached the airport someone came running with a wheelchair to take me through security and put me on the plane. My walker was stashed once I was on the plane. It's true that I could get to the bathroom without my walker, though. I'm sorry, but I've worked in a nursing home and I think your father-in-law needs full-time care. It sounds as if he's well into dementia.


    1. As soon as he gets here, he can go on the waiting list for the Cal Vet homes for veterans. He'll get in somewhere here in California. Its the best we can do right now. He has to get here.

  4. Isn't it amazing how you never seeing yourself ever being as old as your parents and one day you are?
    I hope your FIL gets the help he needs.


Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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