Sunday, August 11, 2013
I enjoyed my time. My dog, cat and I enjoyed our quiet-time and we grew closer. I didn't do what I had on my list - I did clean the bedroom - which can be hard when there is someone sleeping there during the day. I went through some old family photo's of my mom and dad - and found a bunch of vintage Workbasket magazines from the 40's. Wish I could crochet really well to make some of those vintage patterns and then sell them.
The guys came in later in the evening and they were refreshed and happy. Unfortunately, the Husband instantly turned from a good mood to a bad mood as soon as they came in. He ignored them - not even to say Hi, welcome back - nothing. That pisses me off. You know, stress and all is how you handle it. I know this stuff - I am the diva of depression. I know stress. Much of my own crap, is how I choose to relate to the stuff around me. After a while, I do realize that, I need to change the way I look at a situation or it will drive me crazy. The Husband, is not doing that. He believes that every one around him has to change so that he will be a happy-camper. Sorry Bub, but life doesn't work that way.
So I am irritated by him. He was just a butt-head and I could of argued with him but I choose not to. I was getting ready to go to bed (and I don't want to get upset) and he was about ready to go to work.
So this morning he comes home, and I can just tell - the relaxing weekend he enjoyed is gone. He lost it all due to his own stinking-thinking. I think he is headed for a nervous breakdown of something, because he just isn't getting out of this funk, he is in and the thing about it is, he is horribly STUBBORN. and he does tend to believe it is because of everyone else and has nothing to do with himself. See, my first husband was a alcoholic and a dry drunk in our marriage. He didn't seek AA until we were just about ready to break up. I on the other-hand, was in Alanon for years - getting help for me -
I recognize the dysfunction - the way the Husband is thinking. No he's not a alcoholic or a drug addict. But he is showing signs of a man who has never done any type of life-recovery. You know the kind - it's never about them - its about others around them.
He just went to bed and we had a confrontation. He looked at the mail - and there was a letter from the VA saying we owed $34 and if they don't pay it by the 11th, they will take it out of his pension. It was over-looked. But you would of thought, it was $34,000. I told him I would take care of it today - but that wasn't enough. He then goes into his thing - that he is not respected in his own home, that he is tried, blah blah blah. I was nice at first and suggested that he go and see his VA Doctor about his stress - maybe he is depressed and needs some medication. He just sat there - steaming.
So, my stomach is all messed up now. I will deal with that in my own way. I refuse to allow another person to bring me down to their level. Been there - done that.
Let me also say, that YEAH having my sons live with us is not a good thing but they are doing what they can. I keep pushing at them and they know what is going on. They try and stay out of his way. But honestly, this is not the way to live. It's not so much that they need to go, because they will eventually. But it's that we all need to learn to live with each other and do it peacefully.
I feel like crying. He really is a good person who treats me good. It's sad when you know something is up with someone and they need some help to get over it, but they refuse - they just want to stay and wallow in their own crap.
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