Wednesday, August 07, 2013

August 7




Today my Michael would be 36 years old. Wow. I cannot believe that. I'm doing okay because I am keeping busy - I do feel a little sick to my stomach. 

As I have mentioned before - it's better for me to keep busy and just keep living instead of taking time out to remember.  When I do that, it is like torturing myself.  I guess I am still not ready to do that.  I have videos of him that I can't bear to watch because it tears me up, and sends me into a emotional upheaval.

He knows I love him and he also knows how I am - he knows that I am way too emotional for my own good. So by me just taking this day as any other day (even though deep down I am fully aware what today is) it is what is best for me.

I'm at my best when I just stuff my feelings - really!  I know "they say" you need to "feel" those feelings and on the most part I do agree with all of that - I am here to say, I've been there - done that and "feeling my feelings" on my son's birthday does nothing but mess with my mind. I honestly wish I could release balloons, and walk in the forest, or sit on a lonely fogged in beach, or pick flowers in a meadow.  I just can't.

So today I will do laundry, clean - and keep my mind and body busy.  That works best for me.

4 comments:

  1. Wishing you much peace today...

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  2. I wouldn't be able to watch videos either. I think I would just get through the day as well. I'll be thinking about you. Hug.

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  3. I'm sorry. I know this day is very difficult for you. I have certain days that really upset me.

    Love,
    Janie

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  4. You have to do what works best for you and if keeping busy is what works then that is what you do. I don't know how I would be if I was in your shoes

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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