Seems Sunday is a good time to confess and I am not even Catholic! My blog-friend Loonysuse laid down her hair - and I want to lay down mine.
You probably already know that my family is strapped for money. We are a middle-class working family - we own our home, have a decent newer model car, yet we struggle. It seems to be getting worse. I'd say 95% of it is not our fault. We have always tried to live within our means but food, and utilities and gas for the cars is killing our budget. We hardly have any "gravy money" left over. Some months lately we have been down to near nothing.
Another confession. The Husband works for the State of Confusion and on paper, it looked like we qualified for Cal-fresh. Reluctantly, we went down to fill out paperwork. The gal said, it looked good until they used our whole life insurance and my husband's military pension against us. It's all in the calculations. I'm just as glad - I've never been on any assistance and I just don't want to be if I can help it. However we are eligible for the food bank and USDA commodities.
I used to go to a food bank when I was a single Mom for awhile. It is what got me through until I landed that high paying Nanny job.
I admit - I am scared. There are no decent jobs out there - and they all seem to be part-time and give preference to the younger people - after-all I am going to be 60 in March.
I pay all my bills in the month so its not like we are behind - I don't use credit cards although I do have some debt on them (under $1000) because of emergencies not because I wanted to buy new clothes or furniture. That makes me uncomfortable because 3 to 4 years ago, we had no debt at all.
I'm not used to living this way - I was raised in a upper-middle-class working home. My dad was very successful and I had a very good life growing up.
I think some of the problem is with me - because I am not capable of holding down a job due to my moods and off and on depression.
I still have that HOPE in me - that if I just TRY hard enough, I can at least keep us from going totally UNDER. But I have to do it in creative ways - direct sales, garage sales, crafting, mystery shopping, pet sitting, etc.
It just gets OLD after a while and I get down, because I know I NEED a vacation. Yet we cannot afford it. Oh sure, we could put it on a card and go - I won't do that!
So there it is - Don't pity me. I hate that. Just know that not everyone lives the rich life or even the comfortable middle-class life. Some of us, through no fault of our own struggle.
Seems I pick my friends according to how much do they struggle. Isn't that awful? People who have no concept of how some of us have to struggle, bug me. Am I jealous? Maybe. I try not to be.
So there I am - out there for you all to see.
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