Thursday, May 09, 2013

It's only a friggen date




People are funny - especially this "people." as in, myself.  I get myself all worked up at the approach of certain sad dates, anniversaries and holidays - that it does take out most of the sting when I finally get there.  It's only a day and if I could just learn how to not let a certain date get to me. Maybe it's a OCD-thing with me. I tend to obsess and get myself all worked up and it does me no good and I have to stop this, fixation on sad dates and events. 

It's basically a pity party but on a larger scope. Woe is me.  I don't want to be thought of as a pitiful person.  I want to be known as a strong person, who has strong emotions and passionate feelings about the people she has loved in her life.  I'm alive, yet I allow these days to sometimes, cripple me.  I do have some CONTROL in all of this, I just can't find it.

I've been to grief-support groups and grief-recovery groups and grief counselors -  the past 10 years and basically they all say to let those feelings flow.  Fine, but what if you tend to have out-of-control feelings that tend to knock you off your path? At some point, you need to just put a plug in it.

I know I will never forget the day - but I would much prefer to be a "grown-up" about it. Accept it for what it is,  and move on.  Life is too short.




7 comments:

  1. You are being too hard on yourself. Really.

    :)

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  2. I don't think you're not being a "grown-up." Most of us let go sometimes. My wedding anniversary still upsets me.

    Love,
    Janie

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  3. There is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away or stop you from grieving. From my experience it is true that time helps but my situation is different. Time does help, it doesn't stop me wishing for my dad back though.

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  4. It is easier to say that it is just a day than when you have to go through it. I always think that. But, every year around Christmas time, I get said because my grandma was found dead on Christmas Eve one year

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  5. I think everyone has to handle it their own way. I try to focus on good memories and allow that day to be a day of remembering the person I loved. Maybe you will figure out a way that works for you. It does take some time to get to a good point, longer for some than others. No one has gone through the exact same thing as you. You have to do it your way.

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  6. It gets better, but you'd be unfeeling for it not to hurt. The day will always be significant.

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  7. I was just poking around your blog and catching up since my computer has been out as you know... And i was wondering if you've tried a ritual? I don't know if you know by my son and daughter died in a accident almost 7 years ago together. They were 23 and 30.Our therapist stressed to us doing something....ANYTHING on days like holidays, birthdays or anniversaries if we found them particularly difficult and doing what he said has really helped A LOT.

    On the first anniversary of their death we invited all our family and friend and had a big celebration of life, we told stories and laughed and cried. And each time we have a holiday, birthday, or anniv. we do something even just a tiny ritual maybe lets say like put the salt and pepper shakers that are shaped like turkey's on the table that Gretchen made (when she was 6) on the Thanksgiving table..sort of a ritual of remembrance. Or we open our beers with Eric's beer opener on the 4th of JUly weekend, they died on the 3rd so we're always together then! I know it sounds dopey but it really helps all of us to do these things...

    I hope this helps and doesn't sound like i'm being preachie, I do understand that what's good for one isn't always good for another but I just thought I'd mention what we do because it breaks my heart to hear the pain in this post.

    hugs!

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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