|Michael and I at his graduation in 2001. Cal State Long Beach.|
I've heard his voice.
Touched his face.
Laughed at his humor.
I'm good today even though it is that dreaded 10 year anniversary since my son died. I had a little cry last night before going to bed - when I am tired, it hits me. I had a good sleep last night.
I am VERY AWARE of what today is. I'm Michael's Mom and Mom's don't forget.
I am not going to torture myself with going through the memory of it all. Lets just say, it was the worst. Michael wouldn't want me to do that.
I sure miss him. I can't help but wonder, what would of become of him. Seems that now, people are more aware and educated about dwarfism and little people - thanks to Matt Roloff's Little People, Big World. We knew Matt when he was a teenager and young adult. His family lived in San Bruno and used to host, LPA gatherings when Michael was just a baby.
Okay - getting REAL here. Yes I am a Christian and yes, I feel confident I will see him again. But I miss him. I can't stand it when I'm told, he is in a better place - and his time here was up...okay I agree but as the mom, I just wasn't ready to let him go. Together, him and I had so much more, to accomplish. Back then I was quite the advocate for average size parents who had a dwarf child. That was my mission. Then, it just vanished. It was like, my work was done. I haven't been the same since.
Oh well, I'm not the first mom who has ever lost a child - I won't be the last. It's just not normal for a mom to grieve over their child. It's not supposed to happen that way. I felt like I had been robbed.
Okay I am going to stop now. I'm feeling as if I might start spewing a lot of crap, that just tortures my emotions.
It will be a good day. I will make it.