Tuesday, October 06, 2009

3 generations of suicide

Mom committed suicide March 7, 2008. I had just left her and 2 days later, she did it. I knew she was depressed but one never thinks their mom or family member, friend would actually do something like that. Especially when they always said they could never do that. Mom did it. She shot herself with a 22c gunshot to the head.

I'm sure it's natural, when your parents pass on, to start to wonder about family past and who they really were. As a suicide-survivor, you wonder even more. I knew she was troubled. For many years, yet no one could pin point exactly why. That last week I spend with her, she did talk a little about her dad. Mostly, because she said my dad was the only one who ever loved her. Did she know her dad was alive after she was born? Did she just perpetuate the lie to save face?

It's sad to this day, why those in that generation, felt they had to hide these truths. As if my sister and I would of loved her any less. It was just the way she was raised. By a single mom, poor during the depression and WW2. She never had any real security.

In my research last year I found out that, her father had committed suicide. What a shock. A man I never knew, I all of a sudden felt compassion for. What made him do it? Did he eventually feel remorse for all he had done to my mom? Was he depressed because his son, changed his name name and disowned him and withheld his grandchildren from him?

Yesterday, I was doing research on his father - Michael H. and I was absolutely blown away when I found his death certificate. He died  1932 just as my Grandma's bible said. What Grandma's bible didn't say was, he too, committed suicide.

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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