Friday, January 12, 2007

My beloved, precious dad has died

There you have it. 

My daddy has gone to be with the Lord. I know for sure he is with his Savior because he shared with me, from his heart recently how much he adored and loved Jesus. This is after many years, of just trying to be a good witness and sticking with my faith, instead of backsliding, because you never know who is watching to see, how genuine your faith really is. My dad saw that it was genuine and real for me. He had been struggling with heart disease for a long time. It was 1990 or so, when he had a 7 bypass heart surgery. Healing from that took time and I don;t think he ever really was the same again. Sure, it kept him alive 17 years longer but he still struggled and if it had not been for medical intervention, he would of not survived as long as he did. He had carotid surgeries on the veins in his neck, and legs. Severe hardening the arteries. That actually was the main problem. His heart was strong. 

His cardiologist told him just last Thursday, that there was nothing they could do for him. He told him, you could live to be 80 or you could go tomorrow. My dad asked, what can I do? and he told my dad to live every moment. My dad had a major heart attack on Monday night at home with my Mom. 

He was only 74. My dad and Mom were an adorable couple. Everyone in their town of Redding Ca loved them. Their hangout was Hometown Buffet, where they would go and eat with some 40 other seniors for dinner, at least 5 times a week. 

 I have some issues now. My dad died being mad at me. We had a major conflict, to where I now can see, I was clearly wrong. Why is it, you can only see the wrong of things, when its too late to repair? I honestly believe my dad died, thinking I did not love or care for him. That, hurts my heart, but this is my reality. 

 I am having a hard time crying. Maybe I am cried out, after my son died 3 years ago. In fact, my own grief and mourning, over Michael separated me from my parents because I was so much into my own grief. I sat there these past days, listening to my sister and her daughter talk about recent memories, and I could not share anything because The last memory I have of my dad, was a dumb stupid political argument. So, I guess I am venting.

 I also ask for prayer not for myself but for my Mom. She is 72 and they were 2 peas in a pod. She is a very strong lady, but her love for my dad went deep. Almost 54 years of marriage...I was so proud of that fact and always wanted what they had. They were my role models of marriage. They weathered the ups and downs, the way we should because in their age group, divorce was just not a option. Today it is too easy to threaten and too easy to do. Yeah, prayers for my Mom for sure. I'm okay...this is nothing like when I lost my son. ( some of you who were here at that time, know how that effected me) but it still hurts. Especially when there was so much left un-said.

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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