Sunday, January 14, 2007

keeping busy

My dad's memorial was Sat and it was emotional.

Many showed up and that was a comfort to us all. I am however, having a hard time crying.  Because dad and I never settled our grievance with each other, I feel I do not have the right to grieve. In fact, I feel as a hypocrite. Plus, my sister and my Mom are so close and my sister has always been their favorite...I just felt as if I didn't belong there as a family member.

I am dealing with a lot of regret and shame. I cried out to God to forgive me and I know he has. I am working at forgiving myself now. But unfortunately I will always have regrets and that, I will have to live with. I'm doing fine...every morning I call my Mom and let her talk...and cry to me. Its very lonely when your spouse goes, after nearly 54 years of marriage. I can't fathom, how that would feel. Back to work yesterday and I am working every day this week. Grandparents day is Friday. I go every year and it does bring me JOY. I just love those kids!!!

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Comments are good - I admit, sometimes I don't respond back, in time for a dialog. I bad! I will TRY and do better. Thanks for understanding.

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